The last month or two has been a struggle for me since finishing my mental toughness

challenge. I think the freedom of being able to eat and drink what I wanted was hard to control

at first and it began to mess with the rhythm of my practice schedule and exercise regime

which in turn affected my mental clarity. I have felt pretty close to the lowest I have felt this

summer, particularly at some events I had high hopes for that I underperformed and did not

give it my all due to mental chatter and my inner critic. To be transparent, some days I really

felt worthless and like I was no use to anyone or anything. There have been a few really great

stretches of golf and have been times where I felt great this summer but overall my energy and

drive had taken a turn for the worst. I often had to leave practice because I felt so down on

myself or bombarded by the negative narrative that it became unhelpful to continue to grind

and it did not seem to matter the amount of reflection I did because I always seemed to

convince myself that I suck. Good news though, turns out I don’t!

I spoke with my sports psychologist and he described something very powerful in that

we are all simply human’s navigating the world and everything we are all going through is

completely normal. This resonated with me because I always seem to think of myself as an

outcast or someone facing these problems that no one else can understand; this is just simply

not true. I began to give myself a break, start to use my breathing exercises more and realize

that golf is not an activity that is supposed to be hard on me mentally or something that makes

me feel poorly as a person, it is simply just my passion and something that I am good at. These

realizations have allowed me to go back to a frame of mind of patience, calmness and curiosity

on the golf course where I really am out there just to get better and do what I love to do. I had

begun to see some better results the last week or so and started to treat myself with

compassion again.

Although my anxiety still tends to be quite high on the golf course at times, I

realize it is all just a part of my human experience and it is a part of me that I may never be able

to change. Therefore, rather than fight it I have chosen to embrace it and use it to remind

myself I have to focus a little bit harder than everyone else to have a mental edge.

The beauty in the big picture is that I have matured and grown more than I actually

realize this summer and I am starting to see things from a better perspective, realizing how

lucky I am to have such an amazing family, a golf scholarship, a passion for something, inner

belief, awesome friends and so many connections with people in my life that I cherish. I have

become more open to failure than I was in previous years, I allow myself to be in the moment

more and I do not take for granted the special moments with my loved ones that I may have

not even picked up on in years past. I think it is amazing that I have been able to give myself a

bit of a breather in the last week and open my eyes up to what life is all about enjoying every

experience and learning from it whether it is good or bad.